The next morning, I swore to myself that it wasn’t even worth it; kissing alone was more damaging and teasing than anything else.  So, I decided to eat breakfast, spend the rest of the day forgetting about girls, and to just do some writing.

        So while chewing on some mushy oatmeal in the commons cooking area at the campsite, I was completely ignoring the girl sitting all by herself.  I wasn’t even thinking about her most perfect breasts.  Nope, I had made a resolution.  I was just going to keep to myself and attend to my mushy oatmeal.  Craig sit down now!  What the hell are you doing, haven’t you learned by now?

        I found myself walking over to her.  By now, I was just plain pathetic.  What did it matter?  She was packing to leave anyway.     

        Sue was Canadian.  Great, another half-ass country.  She was keeping a conversation and damn she was funny.  Of course, she was packing her stuff to leave.  Then, suddenly, she was all packed.  She informed me that she had to catch a bus around the island.

        I walked her towards the city bus which then would take her to the cross-country bus terminal.  I sent her off reminding her to visit the great penis museum when she got back. 

        Well, I went back to my tent. I found a note from Seth.  He had left for the airport terminal and was nice enough to leave all his extra food.  I nibbled on some of his crackers and remembered that I had planned to go in to town and write more in this here journal.  So I grabbed my stuff and headed off to the inner city bus.

        Well, what did you know?  The city bus had circled around and had picked up Sue.  I only got to talk to her until I arrived at my stop downtown where I departed.




        All the way to the coffee shop I was thinking how unfortunate it was that she wasn’t just unloading her supplies instead off packing up her supplies.  I knew I would be at the café for a while so I ordered a tumbler of coffee and started writing.

        What if she wasn’t going around the island, what if she was staying in town for a while?  Whoa Craig, you finally get to really talk to a girl and you just start getting plain stupid.  What are you going to do?  Are you going to leave right now and chase her down at the island bus stop?  Please, how cheesy.  Craig, just sit down and drink your coffee, you can masturbate all about her back at your tent later tonight.  Hell, if it makes you feel better, go into the tourist trap bathroom right now and masturbate.  Go on, buddy.

        Was I lonely?  Was I pathetic? 

        I grabbed my stuff and took off for the city bus stop.  What are you going to say Craig?  Hey, wise guy, you are just going to look like an idiot.  I was now heading for the island bus terminal.  This is dumb, Craig.  Stop! 

        I arrived at the island bus terminal.  I got off the bus.  I had arrived at about the same time that her bus was scheduled to depart.  I walked into the huge bus terminal lobby.  Ha, Craig, she isn’t here.  Don’t you feel STUPID, ha, ha.  Man, oh Man, everyone in the high heavens are getting a big kick out you.  You stupid mortal.

        Okay, she wasn’t in the terminal, but for the better or the worse I saw her already on her island bus.  Okay, now what?  She hadn’t seen me, so I could technically just turn around and avoid any embarrassment. I could also go and desperately try to convince her to use her bus pass later.

        Let's see, first, it was pathetic that I had chased her down to the bus terminal.  Okay.  It would be just as pathetic if I turned around after running all the way to this terminal.  So, all options resulted in me being pathetic.  I was just as pathetic if I turned around with no chance of getting any action, as I was by getting on the bus and convincing her to stay with the small chance of getting some action.  Craig, you just being there is pathetic.  You might as well try to get some action.

        I walked towards her bus and got on.  I simply sat down next to her, leaving open the chance for her to mace the hell out of me.  I don’t remember exactly what this Canadian said.

        I pleaded my case to her, “I guess I couldn’t convince you to stay a couple of days if I promise to set up your tent?”

        So the bus driver unloaded Sue’s gear and we were left to walk back.  We headed to the city bus stop.  I had no idea that she’d actually do it.  Now what? 




        We ended up back at my campsite.  She held me to my offer; She sat and watched me with glee as I set up her tent.

        It eventually got late.  Out of some camping protocol, she invited me to bring my sleeping bag into her tent.

        “Is that jism?” Sue inquired.  To which I was instantly embarrassed and in love. 

        So, there I was in her tent making out.  It was about time that I got some action.  As things progressed towards sex, I realized that at this moment I should consider retrieving the condom back in my tent.  If I went to my tent for my condom that meant 5 unsexy minutes digging for it at the bottom of my multi-layer backpack.  Even if the condom itself could have convinced me to utilize its effectiveness, I couldn’t have heard its muffled wisdom from under the wads of thermal underwear and wool socks.  Furthermore, knowing my luck, I might step out to retrieve the condom only to return to Sue's tent and find that the randy Swiss fellas had taken my place.  I chose to proceed without the condom.



        “I hope you don’t think I’m a slut,” commented my new Canadian “partner”.

        “Well, I hope you don’t think I’m a slut, either,” I responded.

        “I know you are a slut, I was just concerned about me.”

        “If it means anything, I know I’m clean.  But, later, if you want, I could get the condom that’s in my tent.”

        “You had a condom?” Sue responded with surprise.

        “Yeah, but it was at the bottom of my pack and I thought it would be kind of…”

        “I have always wanted to do it with a condom on,” exclaimed Sue with excitement.

        Sue goes on, “I have never gotten to have sex with a condom, what’s it like?”  Sue asked me as if I had been to mars.

        Sue went on, “Yeah, I’ve seen ‘em but that’s about it.  Like once, I was driving up the California coast and I picked up this hitchhiker—horny little fuck he was.  Anyway, he said he had one, but that was the closest I have ever been.”

        I told Sue I needed go to the restroom.  I rushed into a stall and immediately started scrubbing and pouring mouthwash over my member.  In my head, I kept hearing Sue,“ I have always wanted to use a condom.”

        I realized how stupid this was.  I figured that it was too late and I had already exposed myself to every disease on the sex circuit.  I concluded that I might as well not worry about it and just get laid again.